What brings you to therapy
There isn’t a “right” reason to begin therapy. You may know exactly what has brought you here, or you may only have a growing sense that something isn’t right. You might be dealing with a loss, a difficult relationship, a significant change or an experience that has stayed with you. At other times, the same thoughts, feelings or difficulties may keep returning without you fully understanding why.
Words such as anxiety, depression or trauma can sometimes help describe what you are going through, but they may only explain part of what is happening. You do not need to decide which description fits you before getting in touch.
The sections below describe some of the experiences I commonly explore with people in counselling and the different ways they can affect people. More than one may feel relevant, or none may describe your experience exactly. We can begin with what feels important to you.
What brings you to therapy
There isn’t a “right” reason to begin therapy. You may know exactly what has brought you here, or you may only have a growing sense that something isn’t right. You might be dealing with a loss, a difficult relationship, a significant change or an experience that has stayed with you. At other times, the same thoughts, feelings or difficulties may keep returning without you fully understanding why.
Words such as anxiety, depression or trauma can sometimes help describe what you are going through, but they may only explain part of what is happening. You do not need to decide which description fits you before getting in touch.
The sections below describe some of the experiences I commonly explore with people in counselling and the different ways they can affect people. More than one may feel relevant, or none may describe your experience exactly. We can begin with what feels important to you.
What brings you to therapy
There isn’t a “right” reason to begin therapy. You may know exactly what has brought you here, or you may only have a growing sense that something isn’t right. You might be dealing with a loss, a difficult relationship, a significant change or an experience that has stayed with you. At other times, the same thoughts, feelings or difficulties may keep returning without you fully understanding why.
Words such as anxiety, depression or trauma can sometimes help describe what you are going through, but they may only explain part of what is happening. You do not need to decide which description fits you before getting in touch.
The sections below describe some of the experiences I commonly explore with people in counselling and the different ways they can affect people. More than one may feel relevant, or none may describe your experience exactly. We can begin with what feels important to you.
Familiar reasons people seek therapy.
Some difficulties are easier to name than others, and they do not always sit neatly apart. Anxiety can leave you exhausted or low, while difficulties in relationships can affect how you see yourself. You may recognise one of these experiences, or find that several are happening at once.
When life feels difficult to manage.
Anxiety and stress can leave your mind constantly busy. You might spend time anticipating what could go wrong, going over conversations or feeling that life is continually asking more of you. Even when there is no immediate problem to solve, it can be difficult to switch off or feel settled.
Low mood and depression can make life feel heavier than it used to. Things that once interested you may begin to feel distant, everyday tasks can take more effort, or you may find yourself withdrawing from other people. This can happen even while you continue to manage work, relationships and the practical parts of your life.
When life feels difficult to manage.
Anxiety and stress can leave your mind constantly busy. You might spend time anticipating what could go wrong, going over conversations or feeling that life is continually asking more of you. Even when there is no immediate problem to solve, it can be difficult to switch off or feel settled.
Low mood and depression can make life feel heavier than it used to. Things that once interested you may begin to feel distant, everyday tasks can take more effort, or you may find yourself withdrawing from other people. This can happen even while you continue to manage work, relationships and the practical parts of your life.
Difficulties with yourself and other people.
Relationship difficulties may involve communication, trust or closeness, or noticing recurring patterns across different relationships. Perhaps you struggle to express what you need, worry about disappointing other people or find yourself taking responsibility for how everyone else feels.
Low self-esteem may lead you to doubt your judgement, compare yourself with others or feel that whatever you do is never quite enough. Your confidence or sense of worth may have become tied to achievement, approval or what you can do for the people around you.
Difficulties with yourself and other people.
Relationship difficulties may involve communication, trust or closeness, or noticing recurring patterns across different relationships. Perhaps you struggle to express what you need, worry about disappointing other people or find yourself taking responsibility for how everyone else feels.
Low self-esteem may lead you to doubt your judgement, compare yourself with others or feel that whatever you do is never quite enough. Your confidence or sense of worth may have become tied to achievement, approval or what you can do for the people around you.
Trauma, abuse and experiences that remain with you.
Some experiences do not stay neatly in the past. Their effects may appear in how you respond to particular situations, how safe you feel with other people or how you see yourself. There may be one event you can identify, a series of experiences over time, or a relationship that gradually changed how you felt and behaved.
When the past still affects the present.
You may find yourself constantly on guard, avoiding reminders of what happened, feeling numb or disconnected, or having reactions that seem difficult to control or understand. Trusting other people, feeling close to them or feeling safe may also have become more difficult.
You may have a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), describe what happened as trauma, or be uncertain whether either term fits. Whatever words you use, we can begin with how the experience is affecting your life now.
When the past still affects the present.
You may find yourself constantly on guard, avoiding reminders of what happened, feeling numb or disconnected, or having reactions that seem difficult to control or understand. Trusting other people, feeling close to them or feeling safe may also have become more difficult.
You may have a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), describe what happened as trauma, or be uncertain whether either term fits. Whatever words you use, we can begin with how the experience is affecting your life now.
Abuse and relationships that have caused harm.
Abuse is not always easy to recognise while it is happening. It may involve physical harm, threats, control, repeated criticism, manipulation or being made to doubt your own judgement. I have experience supporting people affected by domestic, emotional and physical abuse, including experiences commonly described as narcissistic abuse.
The effects can remain after a relationship or contact has ended. You may continue to question your memory or decisions, feel responsible for another person’s behaviour, anticipate how other people will react or find it difficult to trust yourself and those around you.
Abuse and relationships that have caused harm.
Abuse is not always easy to recognise while it is happening. It may involve physical harm, threats, control, repeated criticism, manipulation or being made to doubt your own judgement. I have experience supporting people affected by domestic, emotional and physical abuse, including experiences commonly described as narcissistic abuse.
The effects can remain after a relationship or contact has ended. You may continue to question your memory or decisions, feel responsible for another person’s behaviour, anticipate how other people will react or find it difficult to trust yourself and those around you.
When you are unsure how to describe what happened.
You may hesitate to use words such as trauma or abuse, particularly if there was no single event, other people minimised your experience or you have spent a long time explaining it away. You might also compare what happened with other people’s experiences and question whether it was serious enough.
You do not need to prove that something was “bad enough” or choose the right label before talking about it. If an experience has stayed with you or continues to affect your life, that is enough to bring to counselling.
When you are unsure how to describe what happened.
You may hesitate to use words such as trauma or abuse, particularly if there was no single event, other people minimised your experience or you have spent a long time explaining it away. You might also compare what happened with other people’s experiences and question whether it was serious enough.
You do not need to prove that something was “bad enough” or choose the right label before talking about it. If an experience has stayed with you or continues to affect your life, that is enough to bring to counselling.
You do not need to prove that something was “bad enough” or choose the right label before talking about it.
You do not need to prove that something was “bad enough” or choose the right label before talking about it.
Loss, endings and significant change.
Loss can take many forms. Sometimes it is clear: someone has died, a relationship has ended or a job has gone. Other losses can be harder to explain to the people around you, such as losing a sense of independence, belonging or the future you expected. More than one loss can happen at once, and even a change you have chosen can mean leaving something important behind.
When someone important has died.
Bereavement can affect how you feel, think and manage everyday life. The death may have been sudden or expected, and your relationship with the person may have been close, complicated or unresolved. Grief can include sadness, anger, guilt, relief, numbness or feelings that seem to change without warning.
The death of a pet can also leave a significant gap, particularly when that relationship was an important part of your daily life. This loss is not always fully recognised or understood by other people.
When someone important has died.
Bereavement can affect how you feel, think and manage everyday life. The death may have been sudden or expected, and your relationship with the person may have been close, complicated or unresolved. Grief can include sadness, anger, guilt, relief, numbness or feelings that seem to change without warning.
The death of a pet can also leave a significant gap, particularly when that relationship was an important part of your daily life. This loss is not always fully recognised or understood by other people.
When something important has ended.
The end of a relationship, friendship or family connection can bring loss even when nobody has died. Redundancy, retirement, moving away or leaving a role that once gave your life structure can also affect how you see yourself and where you feel you belong.
Some endings are chosen and still painful. You may believe that leaving was the right decision while missing parts of what you had, or find yourself grieving a future that will now happen differently.
When something important has ended.
The end of a relationship, friendship or family connection can bring loss even when nobody has died. Redundancy, retirement, moving away or leaving a role that once gave your life structure can also affect how you see yourself and where you feel you belong.
Some endings are chosen and still painful. You may believe that leaving was the right decision while missing parts of what you had, or find yourself grieving a future that will now happen differently.
When life no longer looks as expected.
A significant change can affect your routines, relationships, responsibilities and plans for the future. Other people may see a new beginning while you remain aware of what has been left behind. You may be trying to understand who you are now or what matters when familiar parts of your life no longer feel certain.
Counselling can give you room to talk about what has changed without being hurried towards acceptance or expected to find a positive side. We can make space for what you have lost while exploring how life feels for you now.
When life no longer looks as expected.
A significant change can affect your routines, relationships, responsibilities and plans for the future. Other people may see a new beginning while you remain aware of what has been left behind. You may be trying to understand who you are now or what matters when familiar parts of your life no longer feel certain.
Counselling can give you room to talk about what has changed without being hurried towards acceptance or expected to find a positive side. We can make space for what you have lost while exploring how life feels for you now.
Living with illness or a diagnosis.
Physical or mental health difficulties rarely affect only one part of life. Alongside symptoms or treatment, they may influence your relationships, work, independence, plans for the future and how you see yourself. Receiving a diagnosis can bring an explanation or a sense of relief, but it can also introduce new questions and uncertainty.
When your physical health changes.
An illness or change in your physical health can disrupt everyday life whether it is temporary, ongoing or uncertain. You may be dealing with symptoms, tests, treatment or recovery, or adjusting to an unexpected change in what your body can do. Even when a full recovery is expected, the experience may affect your confidence, independence, relationships or how much you trust your body.
If the effects continue, you may be adapting to different limits or living with uncertainty about what each day will bring. Other people may not always understand the less visible impact, or they may expect life to return to normal before you feel ready. You can talk about what the experience has meant to you without needing to minimise it or compare it with somebody else’s.
When your physical health changes.
An illness or change in your physical health can disrupt everyday life whether it is temporary, ongoing or uncertain. You may be dealing with symptoms, tests, treatment or recovery, or adjusting to an unexpected change in what your body can do. Even when a full recovery is expected, the experience may affect your confidence, independence, relationships or how much you trust your body.
If the effects continue, you may be adapting to different limits or living with uncertainty about what each day will bring. Other people may not always understand the less visible impact, or they may expect life to return to normal before you feel ready. You can talk about what the experience has meant to you without needing to minimise it or compare it with somebody else’s.
Living with mental health difficulties.
Mental health difficulties may affect your energy, confidence, relationships and what feels manageable in everyday life. Difficult periods may come and go, or you may be living with something that requires ongoing care and attention. You could be receiving treatment, returning to parts of life that have been disrupted or worrying about becoming unwell again.
You may also be carrying the effects of how other people have responded, including stigma, misunderstanding or pressure to recover according to somebody else’s timetable. These experiences can be explored alongside the difficulties themselves.
Living with mental health difficulties.
Mental health difficulties may affect your energy, confidence, relationships and what feels manageable in everyday life. Difficult periods may come and go, or you may be living with something that requires ongoing care and attention. You could be receiving treatment, returning to parts of life that have been disrupted or worrying about becoming unwell again.
You may also be carrying the effects of how other people have responded, including stigma, misunderstanding or pressure to recover according to somebody else’s timetable. These experiences can be explored alongside the difficulties themselves.
Living with bipolar disorder.
Living with bipolar disorder can involve more than changes in mood themselves. You may be making sense of a diagnosis, looking back at times when significant changes in mood or energy affected your life, or considering what these experiences have meant for your relationships, work, decisions and trust in yourself.
A diagnosis can also influence how you and other people interpret what you feel or do. You may worry that every reaction will be viewed through it, even when something else is happening. Counselling can sit alongside medical or psychiatric care, giving you space to explore your experience without bipolar disorder having to become the whole conversation.
Living with bipolar disorder.
Living with bipolar disorder can involve more than changes in mood themselves. You may be making sense of a diagnosis, looking back at times when significant changes in mood or energy affected your life, or considering what these experiences have meant for your relationships, work, decisions and trust in yourself.
A diagnosis can also influence how you and other people interpret what you feel or do. You may worry that every reaction will be viewed through it, even when something else is happening. Counselling can sit alongside medical or psychiatric care, giving you space to explore your experience without bipolar disorder having to become the whole conversation.
More than a diagnosis.
A diagnosis may help you understand parts of your experience, feel limiting or bring a mixture of reactions that change over time. You may identify strongly with it, question whether it fits or simply see it as one way of describing what has happened.
You can decide how much space your health or diagnosis takes up in our conversations. It may be the main reason you have come to therapy, one part of a wider picture or something you only want to discuss when it feels relevant.
More than a diagnosis.
A diagnosis may help you understand parts of your experience, feel limiting or bring a mixture of reactions that change over time. You may identify strongly with it, question whether it fits or simply see it as one way of describing what has happened.
You can decide how much space your health or diagnosis takes up in our conversations. It may be the main reason you have come to therapy, one part of a wider picture or something you only want to discuss when it feels relevant.
Identity, sexuality and relationships.
You may feel settled in your identity, sexuality and relationships, still be exploring some part of them, or be dealing with the assumptions and reactions of other people. These parts of your life may affect where you feel able to be open and how you experience closeness or belonging. They might be central to why you are considering therapy, connected to other things you want to discuss, or simply parts of your life that are not causing you difficulty.
LGBTQ+ experiences.
What brings you to counselling may relate to coming out, family or relationship experiences, discrimination, belonging, or deciding when and with whom you feel able to be open. You might also be exploring your sexuality or gender, or find that familiar labels do not quite fit.
Or you may want to talk about anxiety, work, grief or something else entirely, with your identity simply part of who you are. We can include it when it matters without assuming that it explains everything you are experiencing.
LGBTQ+ experiences.
What brings you to counselling may relate to coming out, family or relationship experiences, discrimination, belonging, or deciding when and with whom you feel able to be open. You might also be exploring your sexuality or gender, or find that familiar labels do not quite fit.
Or you may want to talk about anxiety, work, grief or something else entirely, with your identity simply part of who you are. We can include it when it matters without assuming that it explains everything you are experiencing.
Living with HIV.
Living with HIV can involve questions about health, disclosure, stigma, sex, relationships or how you see the future. A diagnosis may be recent or have been part of your life for many years. The assumptions and reactions of other people can sometimes be as difficult as the health implications themselves.
HIV might be why you are considering therapy, something connected to other parts of your experience or not what you want to discuss at all. It will not be treated as an explanation for everything else happening in your life.
Living with HIV.
Living with HIV can involve questions about health, disclosure, stigma, sex, relationships or how you see the future. A diagnosis may be recent or have been part of your life for many years. The assumptions and reactions of other people can sometimes be as difficult as the health implications themselves.
HIV might be why you are considering therapy, something connected to other parts of your experience or not what you want to discuss at all. It will not be treated as an explanation for everything else happening in your life.
Relationships and what works for you.
You may want to explore communication, trust, boundaries, jealousy, expectations or how you balance your own needs with those of other people. You might be working out what you want from your relationships, looking at agreements within them or dealing with assumptions that do not fit the way you live.
Kink may be a settled and fulfilling part of your sexuality, something you are beginning to explore or something that has been met with misunderstanding or judgement. Consensual non-monogamy may simply be the relationship structure that works for you, or you may want to consider communication, boundaries or different needs within your relationships.
These parts of your life can be included in counselling whenever they are relevant. We can look at what they mean for you without assuming there is one correct way for your sexuality or relationships to look.
Relationships and what works for you.
You may want to explore communication, trust, boundaries, jealousy, expectations or how you balance your own needs with those of other people. You might be working out what you want from your relationships, looking at agreements within them or dealing with assumptions that do not fit the way you live.
Kink may be a settled and fulfilling part of your sexuality, something you are beginning to explore or something that has been met with misunderstanding or judgement. Consensual non-monogamy may simply be the relationship structure that works for you, or you may want to consider communication, boundaries or different needs within your relationships.
These parts of your life can be included in counselling whenever they are relevant. We can look at what they mean for you without assuming there is one correct way for your sexuality or relationships to look.
When there is no obvious explanation.
You may be managing work, relationships and everyday responsibilities without a particular crisis, yet still feel disconnected from yourself, unsure what you want or unable to enjoy life in the same way. Something may feel different even if you cannot point to when or why it changed.
You might notice the same reactions or choices returning, find yourself increasingly restless or irritable, or realise how little room there is for your own needs. None of this has to add up to a particular event or diagnosis.
You do not need to turn an uncertain feeling into a more convincing reason to begin counselling. Wanting to understand yourself and why life feels as it does can be enough.
When there is no obvious explanation.
You may be managing work, relationships and everyday responsibilities without a particular crisis, yet still feel disconnected from yourself, unsure what you want or unable to enjoy life in the same way. Something may feel different even if you cannot point to when or why it changed.
You might notice the same reactions or choices returning, find yourself increasingly restless or irritable, or realise how little room there is for your own needs. None of this has to add up to a particular event or diagnosis.
You do not need to turn an uncertain feeling into a more convincing reason to begin counselling. Wanting to understand yourself and why life feels as it does can be enough.
These headings are ways of describing experiences, not boxes you need to fit yourself into.
These headings are ways of describing experiences, not boxes you need to fit yourself into.
Your experience as a whole.
Your experience may cross several of the sections on this page or sit somewhere that has not been described here. Anxiety may be connected to loss or health, a relationship may bring earlier experiences into view, and a diagnosis may explain something important without accounting for everything.
These headings are ways of describing experiences, not boxes you need to fit yourself into. You do not need to decide which one applies before getting in touch. We can begin with what feels most present and make room for other parts of your experience as they become relevant.
None of the descriptions here has to define you or decide the direction of the work.
Your experience as a whole.
Your experience may cross several of the sections on this page or sit somewhere that has not been described here. Anxiety may be connected to loss or health, a relationship may bring earlier experiences into view, and a diagnosis may explain something important without accounting for everything.
These headings are ways of describing experiences, not boxes you need to fit yourself into. You do not need to decide which one applies before getting in touch. We can begin with what feels most present and make room for other parts of your experience as they become relevant.
None of the descriptions here has to define you or decide the direction of the work.
Where would you like to go next?
Find out more about working together, or arrange a free introductory conversation.
Where would you like to go next?
Find out more about working together, or arrange a free introductory conversation.